Loss and longing

I think I long to be a puzzle.

If you were to figure me out so quickly, 

I might only be a bore.
Or maybe it’s that I don’t know my own truth.

If I was but a random passerby, would you know me?

I’ve seen you at least 100 times since we last met.

Yet was too afraid to say anything,

Afraid that you would not recognize me

Even when I know it’s not you, I look, just in case.

I never wanted to be an anonymous student

But fear has stranded me here.

Goodbye past, you were so sweet.

I didn’t mean for them to hurt you, did they destroy you? 

I pray not, even still when gods and goddesses seem so far away.

Know how much I cried for you and for all the loss, so much more than I have words or breath to express.

My ?

My what?

Teacher, sister, husband, wife, daughter, mother, partner, grandmother, myself, just a mirror, 

How many times have I looked into the mirror now?

I don’t know and probably never will, which is unbearable.

I miss you, my soul’s soul more than you will ever know.  

Must I mourn a millennia more?

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