Honesty

When I was in my twenties I was working on a painting. One day an older friend came over and went to my painting, “well that’s obvious.” … “Huh? Obvious?” I questioned… “Vagina.”…

I hadn’t even seen it. The painting was not literal but a process piece of mixed media- journal slices where I was desperately trying to come to terms with my sexuality and coming out as a lesbian – of course there’s a vagina!!! How did I not see it?! I felt shame and fear, “oh shit, I’m being too obvious…”.

The painting and I went back into the closet and pretended that part never existed… which worked for maybe another few long years. Until cracks began to surface and I could no longer contain this part that was so integral to the work I would need to do in this lifetime.

After a major breakdown breaking through to my truth, I slowly emerged staying tethered to the honesty of my whole self.

I’m still an artist and as I look upon today’s work… big smile….

Yes I see it, clearly, openly, courageously, proudly, gratefully.

Honesty and vagina, 2018

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