I can’t remember when I haven’t had a dog really, they’ve been a constant in my life.  Great Pyrenees when I was a kid (and a random cocker spaniel) and now we are saying goodbye to our third whippet.  It’s a rough week for this to happen and actually I could put it off another week but she’s suffering and in I’m being honest I’m hoping that I can just get the pain over with, she has suffered long enough and being selfish so have I. 

Last night I told our eldest daughter that the time has come to say goodbye to kika, she asked why and cried a lot.  Tears flow and flow when you are so innocent, the four year old said that’s sad and then told her big sister to stop crying, she doesn’t get it yet.

Michael and I fought about the decision mostly because I wanted him to make the decision and take care of the whole thing.  But as months of suffering have passed I realized that he just isn’t able to do that, Goodbyes are never easy.

We brought kika home when she was 9 weeks old and she was the sweetest thing ever, she was my first puppy and the best dog.  She came along before kids so she was spoiled, well until the girls came along and while I hated to admit that I was capable of not loving equally, she got pushed down to the bottom of the totem pole.  Then she had a stroke at 6 and well our easy dog days were over and the responsibility of just being good dog owners over shadowed that.  

Kika’s life has had a funny balance, she was the easiest puppy, practically coming house trained, but as the years have gone on, she is no longer house trained and if we want to keep her going we would have to give her continuous fluids every other day, which I did for about 10 days and realized that in the end there was no benefit to her enjoyment to life.

Life, that is my eldest’s argument for why we shouldn’t put her down, because she is alive.  I know that argument, I’ve argued that argument and in my deepest core I “believe” that argument, but I don’t know anymore, this world seems hardly tolerant of life let alone able to joyfully support life.  

I know that I’m sad about this weeks happenings so maybe that’s a bad time to make sad decisions but I feel like I’m supposed to accept things don’t go on forever.

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